Unspoken

He found me waiting by the ticket booth. I had my ticket in my hand already.
He came to stand in front of me, and dipped his head to see my face through my hair.
“Hey,” he said softly.
“I... ” I began.
“What is it? I’m here.” He squeezed my shoulder. But I couldn’t say that. It wouldn’t be right. Or sane.
“I... need to go.”
“I know.”
“In about 4 minutes.”
“Right, of course.”
If he had shuffled his feet then, I would’ve understood.
It felt strange. Awkward.
We had never been in this situation before.
Did we hug? Kiss? Shake hands?
I didn’t know.
We did nothing. Just stared into each other’s eyes, each lost.
I needed to say something, but it stuck in my throat.
“I... better go.” I looked all that way up at his sad face and managed a smile somehow.
I think it crushed him.
I hitched my bag over my shoulder and left.
I... love you... goodbye.
But it wasn’t to be said, and never to be heard.
What am I doing? My thoughts cried. How did we get to this? How did we let this happen?
I ignored them all. I had to. I had no choice. How I wish I did.
As I walked away from him, I could feel my steps echoing inside me.
Each one that took me that bit further from him got heavier and heavier until I couldn’t move any more. Each one weighed a little more on my heart.
I was at the corner when I turned to look back. But though my eyes flicked back and forth over every strange face, I didn’t see him.
He was gone.
I think that was when the tears finally began.